Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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