my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
