Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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