did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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