you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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