College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
