Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
