Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
