So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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