Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
