hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need help removing her.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
