My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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