It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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