I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
