Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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