you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
