I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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