1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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