well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
