I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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