What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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