i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
