...so i touched it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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