she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
