Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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