i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
