I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
