The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
