I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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