and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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