Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
