my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize