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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
