5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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