no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
