Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
