Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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