my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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