I want to make a zoo with you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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