So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
