She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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