As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
