All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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