Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
