so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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