I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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