Screwed.edu
My underwear smells like fireworks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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