So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
