Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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