Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
