i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
