This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
