spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
