Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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