Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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