Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize