Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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