So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
