how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
