I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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