Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize