you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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