So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
